Letting Go: Reclaiming your Power over what you can’t control
By: Marissa Pollet
One of the hardest lessons in life is accepting that we cannot control other people’s actions, behaviors, or choices. Whether it's a friend who disappoints us, a partner who doesn't meet our expectations, or a family member who refuses to change, we often find ourselves caught in a cycle of frustration, trying to influence what is ultimately out of our hands.
The truth is, we only have control over ourselves. What we can ultimately control are our reactions, emotions, and mindset. By letting go of the need to control others, we take back our power and free ourselves from unnecessary stress and allow happiness and peace to flow through our bodies.
Why Letting Go is so Challenging
It’s natural to want to influence the people around us, especially when their behavior affects us. However, attempting to control others often leads to:
• Emotional exhaustion – constantly worrying about someone else's decisions drains our energy. The notion of worrying about what others are thinking about us or why they have behaved in a certain why is mentally draining. This constant flow of worry in our mind drains energy and depletes happiness.
• Frustration and resentment – when others don’t change, we feel helpless and bitter. Think about a scenario of a loved one not listening to advice you have given time and time again about a toxic relationship they refuse to leave. Listening to someone complain and watching them stay despite your best efforts leads to frustration and resentment but at the end of the day it is out of your control.
• Anxiety and stress – the fear of uncertainty keeps us on edge which is a huge underlying cause of anxiety. The mind can create stories, a script that plays out in your mind like a movie and you are the leading actor. This constant loop causes undue anxiety and stress and leads to mental distress.
• Loss of self-focus – we neglect our own well-being by focusing too much on others. It’s easy to lose ourselves in others and neglect our own happiness when it is so wrapped up in decisions and behaviors of those we can’t control.
Understanding that we can’t force someone to act how we want is the first step toward emotional freedom.
Taking Your Power Back
Instead of focusing on what you can’t control, shift your attention to what you can which is your response. Tap into some powerful strategies to help you let go and take back control of your own happiness:
1. Respond, Don’t React
When someone upsets you, pause before reacting. Emotional reactions are often impulsive and fueled by frustration and often later regretted. Some other methods can include:
• Deep breathing – Inhale deeply for four seconds, hold for four, and exhale for four. This calms the nervous system and allows it to re-regulate giving you a calmer approach to the situation.
• Mindful awareness – Ask yourself, “Is this worth my peace?” before responding.
• Delaying your response – If emotions are high, step away and revisit the situation later. A delayed response especially if corresponding via text or email allows your mind time to process to situation and re group in the hopes of not putting something in writing you may regret.
2. Set Emotional Boundaries
Not everyone deserves unlimited access to your emotions. Protect your well-being by:
• Limiting interactions with toxic individuals who drain your energy. If you notice a pattern with a particular friend or circle you associate with, it’s ok to scale back and limit your interactions to protect your well-being. Do what gives you peace and tranquility.
• Saying “no” without guilt when someone oversteps your boundaries.
• Focusing on self-care to maintain emotional resilience. Find hobbies and interests that bring joy to your life.
3. Reframe Your Perspective
Shifting your mindset can change how you experience difficult situations. Try:
• Accepting what is – Instead of resisting reality, acknowledge it and focus on what you can do moving forward.
• Practicing gratitude – Redirect your focus to what’s going well in your life.
• Finding the lesson – Every challenge offers an opportunity for personal growth.
4. Redirect Your Energy to What Fulfills You
When you stop fixating on others, you create space for personal joy and take back the control you give to others by not allowing their actions dictate your happiness.
• Hobbies and passions – Engage in activities that bring you happiness. Whatever that looks like for you, perhaps something as simple as a quick walk or being alone in nature.
• Healthy relationships – Surround yourself with supportive and uplifting people. You
don’t need a lot of people to feel fulfilled, find a few that make you feel the way you
deserve and limit those who don’t bring peace and joy to your life.
• Personal development – Focus on learning, growing, and improving your mindset.
5. Let Go Through Forgiveness
Holding onto resentment only harms you. Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior; it means freeing yourself from the burden of anger. Try:
• Writing a letter (without sending it) to express and release your emotions.
• Practicing self-compassion – Forgiving yourself for past mistakes, too.
• Visualizing emotional release – Imagine yourself letting go of negativity like releasing a balloon into the sky.
Final Thoughts: Your Happiness Is in Your Hands
Letting go of the need to control others and not allowing your happiness to be dictated by those around you is one of the most empowering decisions you can make. You don’t have to allow someone else's actions to control how you feel internally. By shifting your focus inward and choosing to respond rather than react, you reclaim your power and create a life filled with peace and resiliency. Happiness is in your hands, and you have the ability to harness it and take back control.
Our team of caring professionals at Inspired Wellness are here to provide support and guidance towards your path of mental wellness. We believe that every individual has the ability to be the best version of themselves and our goal is to set you up with the tools to maintain a well-balanced life that will place you on the path towards lifelong change. We strive to create a non-judgmental environment coupled with therapeutic practices that are tailored towards each individual. At Inspired Wellness our team aims to do exactly as our name says, inspire you towards a beautiful life of strength and wellness!